For real phone call that I received

*house phone rings*
me: Yeah? (because I almost never answer with "hello" you called me. also, I open the door for the delivery guys before they knock...freaks them out every time! It's fun that way!)
guy on the line: It's Danny.
me: Huh?
guy on phone: Hey, its Danny.
me: Ummm...who?
guy on phone: Um...it's Danny. Is this operations?
me: Yeah..no. You've totally got the wrong number.
guy on phone: Are you kidding me? It's fucking Danny! I need to speak to operations.
me: Okay. Well, I don't know who you are but you clearly have the wrong number.
guy on phone: *whispers* Forget this call happened.
me: I know EVERYTHING!

The kicker? This is what came up on my caller ID:                                                                                                                          
ATT BCO TSA

Apparently, "Danny", if that is his real name, with TSA has that cheery TSA attitude 24/7, y'all! He comes across as a dick, so I can totally see why his co-workers, assuming that's who he thought he had called, would treat him like a fucking moron as I did. However, after the 2nd or maybe even 3rd "who?" you'd think he'd realize "shit I dialed the wrong number and I'm coming off as kind of an asshole, maybe I'll apologize and just hangup." Not ole Danny boy, he followed his dickish behavior through to the end, complete with a pseudo-ominous closing line.

The only way this would've been a better call is if it would've read NSA instead of TSA..because then you can rest assure my phone line is bugged and those fuckers are getting NOTHING useful from me!

Let's go old-school revenge for a (hypothetical) moment

   It's kind of funny how my mind works. Sometimes. Other times, it's fucken scary.

   For the most part, I've left the evil and ugly, vindictive side of me in the past. My husband, gods love him, still married me, in spite of having been there for one of my ugliest (and perhaps drunken) vindictive rants. In all fairness, he was not warned to keep my phone away from me. *story time: I as at a to-remained-unnamed military base with my bestie and we had been drinking, a lot. My husband was not my husband at the time, but he was my go-to "I'm drunk and need a place to crash can you come get me?" phone call. He came and got me, and my bestie handed him my phone, but failed to tell him why she had it. She had it because my recent ex-fiance had kept calling me and I was being less than nice to him. (I have 2 ex-fiances. M was my high school to college boyfriend. R was my fiance while I was in basic training to AIT for the Army, I broke up with him after finding out he was a lying cheat. Well, actually they were both lying cheats, he was just a really bad one and I figured it out a lot quicker than I did with M.) So, I got my phone back, R called and I let loose...for over 10 minutes I ranted and raved in a way only a totally drunk, heartless bitch can do: guilt-free! My now-husband? Well, he was driving and occasional said "I'm glad I'm not him."

   Only once have I ever really entertained a revenge plot against M and his current soon-to-be wife. Whom just happens to be my former best friend of 5 something years, before I left New York and almost all of the people I knew behind. They are together and are perfect for each other. But there's a deep, hidden part of me that only once has ever made itself known. This former friend has 2 sons, which I would babysit when we first met, who just turned 18. In the sickest and most twisted part of my fucked up mind, I'd have to be single and not have a child of my own if this were ever to happen, a perfect revenge against them both for the mindfuck they did to me when I first left NY and the months that followed: I'd date one of her now 18-year old sons!

   It's a beautiful kind of fucked in my head! It's the kind of evil that only a really ugly and awful person could see the amazing beauty in.

   Of course, I'm married and I have Squishy and zero desire to do anything to either of my exes. But for one, unguarded moment my thoughts got dark and my brain said "Hey, you know what'd be really, really evil..?" and I followed the train of thought for those 15-45 seconds and then come out from it and realized "Nah". At 34, I might have to put too much effort into it all. Way more than I have to now as a happily married woman!

   Everyone has those secret revenge fantasies. Sure, not everyone admits to them. Even fewer will blog about them. But I'm trying to be a better person than I used to be and in being that better person I have to be in touch with the very worst version of myself. The version that would think going after an innocent 18-year old kid just to hurt his mom and stepdad-to-be would be an acceptable and even good idea. I know I'm not that person anymore, but it's kind of a comfort to know she's still in there, buried deeply as she is, in case someone ever really needs a good mental fuckover!

I don't tolerate bullshit very well

Not everyone agrees or accepts that marijuana is still illegal in the States. In fact, if it were up to most people I know, it'd be legal but taxed and regulated. Just like alcohol and tabacco products are. I'm one of those people. Do I agree with using marijuana, legal or not? No, not necessarily.
*Full disclosure: I tried it once. I took 2 hits off a joint. And I hated how it made me feel. I thrive on chaos and insanity, and I do not like moving in slow motion. I didn't get the big deal and I'd never do it again. My choice. I know other people who do like to be slowed down and relaxed. Their choice. Am I better than them? No, because I knew what I was doing was illegal. But I tried it anyways. Had I been caught and arrested, I'd have accepted the consequences. Because, that's the person I am. (When I've gotten nailed for speeding, I pay the fine. Why? Because I knew I was speeding, no sense in fighting it. Points on my license? Comes with the territory when knowingly breaking the law)

I have friends who are viewing this ^^ piece of shit as a hero, for fighting against "the man", sort-to-speak. His photo is on a page about Civil Disobedience & Non Cooperation on facebook. The photo tells a cribsheet version of his "heroic act" against authority figures.

And now, I'll tell you how I see it:
This fucking asshole got caught smoking weed. Instead of owning his actions, like a grown up, he threw a very expensive, potentially harmful and utterly unacceptable tantrum. He put lives at risk, destroyed tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of emergency vehicles and added more crimes to a "simple" charge.
Why? Because he felt the arrest was unfair.
He chose to smoke the pot and was arrested. Weather the arrest was justified or not, fact is he WAS smoke an illegal substance. In his home or not, illegal is illegal.

Here's the biggest issue I have: destroying government/state/county property is NOT civil disobedience. It is a crime! It is, however, most truly non-cooperation.

Read some of the comments posted under his photo. People are applauding this man! As the wife of a law enforcement agent, I'm disgusted. People have such a bad view on cops, because they can't accept that there are laws we, as a society, have to follow and there are people who have to enforce them.
*Story time, pt2: I was pulled over in Georgia, shortly after moving there. I was pulled over by a SWAT officer doing traffic duty. I was pulled over because I had NY plates on my Celica and was driving at 1030pm. I was accused of having drugs in the car (he "smelled" them on me). I had smoked a Camel Turkish Silver cigg before getting into my car. I was asked to get out of my car and let him search it. Which I allowed, because I knew there was nothing illegal in my car. I stood on the side of the highway, while he opened my glove compartment, center console and looked through my doors. He was obviously upset that he found nothing, because he told me he knew it was there and he'd call the dog in, I'm assuming he thought it'd scare me. Instead, I asked him if I could use my cellphone to call my boss and let her know I'd be late, waiting for the dog to arrive. He dropped the dog, but wrote me 3 tickets (invalid registration, no insurance and driving without a license), then let me go on my merry way. Because he let me go, all 3 tickets were dismissed in court. I had a valid NY registration and plates, my insurance was current and I had a NY license I hadn't switched to GA even though I'd lived there for 45 days at that point.
Should I have fought with the officer? NO. Why? because I knew I had done nothing illegal. The judge saw the same thing and apologized on behalf of the court when I was there.

I don't understand, if you know it's illegal, why would you be upset for getting caught? What do you prove by destroying property and putting lives at risk? Not to mention, costing tax payers an ass-ton of money to replace the property *you* damaged? How can anyone justify this kind of bullshit?!?!

I'm all for standing up when you see an injustice being done. But when you're in the wrong, you are in the wrong!

Its an oldie, but its full of religious-based snarkasm*

*original post date: July 26, 2011*
Saturday night the hubs and I dropped Nixon off at my friend's house for our night of free sitter service. On the way to pick up our take out order, Hubs mentions (and kept him unnamed) a co-worker of his who feels we're being ridiculous for having an only based on financial reasons. He told Hubs "God will provide" and felt the need to say this to Hubs regardless of the fact that Hubs is an atheist so his argument has no weight. Now, my husband is wise enough to NOT tell me who this Bible thumping asshole is who thinks he knows better than we do, and has the audacity to basically say our reason for having Nixon alone is shit-poor and we need to pop out another one since the peeping ghost in the sky and his zombie son will provide for us.... because they're doing such an awesome job of doing it for everyone else I know right now.

Okay, so I have nothing against most religious people. Most of my family is Christian of one denomination or another, and most of them accept that I am not. A few of them pray for me, I'm sure, but at least they don't tell me I'm going to hell anymore, because lets face it...I stopped believing that threat when I survived living in my parents home for 18 plus years. Honestly, Hell has a lot to live up to after that. And ultimately, so what if I'm wrong...but what if I'm not?? What if they're the ones who are wrong?? What if we're all wrong?? Who really knows what happens when we die? We're dead. The end.

The hubs and I both grew up in home watching our parents struggle financially to provide for 2 children. It's very difficult knowing, from a young age,that your parents are fighting over money. It's harder still watching all your friends going away on vacations or getting awesome birthday parties/gifts and knowing you'll be lucky to go to the county fair for a day. My parents never saved for me to go to college and when I did go, it was against my dad's wishes. He thought it was stupid and wanted me to get a full-time job instead. So I did both....then I moved out. I'm STILL in debt for college tuition. It's shit like that that weighed heavily on our choice to have only Nixon, among other reasons.

As for the "God will provide" bullshit. There's a reason Huns won't let me find out who this shithead is. Because in the car I started my rant before he shut me down (only because he agrees with me not because he wanted me to shut up). So, in order to get it off my chest and out of my head I give you my.....Loss of Faith Rant: 
Okay, so for the sake of argument, I did once believe in God. I prayed to him and asked him to help my dad not be so angry. I asked him to help my mom protect my sister and I. I asked him to help my dad stop drinking. I asked him to put my broken family back together.
God never made any of those things happen.
As I got older I saw worse things and I lived through worse things. I got beat at home by my dad and I got beat by my first boyfriend. God never helped me. No one helped me.
So for this christian....what could me, a child around the age of 9 when it started, have possibly done to have deserved this kind of treatment? NO honestly, I'd like to know what kind of justification I'd get other than "God had a plan for you" because any plan that involved regular abuse from multiple people who "loved" me kind of sucks ass. And breaking up my family, while bringing my dad's mistress into my mom's home, while she was there acting as an old friend only to leave and fuck her HUSBAND (my dad)...AWESOME plan!! I mean, really props on that one, because we totally didn't see that coming. So, umm.....can I get a reasoning for that? I mean, what did my mom do to deserve that kind of betrayal from her husband?? Yeah, I was kind of expecting that blank stare from you asshole. Thanks for the help though. So umm....shall we continue, cause I could go on.  

Even after I stopped believing, I've seen infants get cancer, children my son's age have life threatening diseases, I've seen entire villages washed out to sea....and I've seen people say they'll pray for these people. I find myself thinking "I'm going to say he's not there right now".
I've seen people picket deceased soldiers funerals in the name of the very same God this pretentious shit tells me will provide for my family if we have another child, and I've seen other hate crimes carried out in God's name. I'm tired of there being so much hate being done in God's name! I'm tired of my life's abuses being justified as "look how strong HE made you". I asked adults for help. I spoke to my pastor about what I was going through at home....and those fucking church shits decided it was a "family situation" since my dad left the church and wouldn't come to family counseling at the church. Thanks for fucking nothing, fuckface!
Am I angry? Yeah maybe I have some leftover anger. But mostly I'm pissed that people seem to refuse to accept that there are people that just don't believe in the bible and god and all those other fables that you (a general you) live your life by, so they keep pushing and pushing it on people.

So, if anyone knows who this fucktard is who loves to thump the bible at work and tell my husband what a shame it is we're not giving Nixon the gift of a sibling because "siblings are a gift from God"....please be so kind as to tell him "Herpes and Syphilis are gifts from God too, feel free to go get them."


I really hate people who only speak from their asshole and think while their head is firmly stuck up their ass. Their breath always smells like shit!


Once upon a time I believed in God, then I learned about logic and science. Now I prefer pagan beliefs of nature celebrations and strong belief in Karma. I married an outspoken Atheist and we have a free-thinking child who can believe whatever he wants as long as he chooses it out of a desire to believe and not a fear of not believing. When god starts sending me cash in the mail, to provide for my family I'll reconsider my stance.....but until then I like how I live my life. (Cash only cause this bitch ain't falling for no God scam!)

Walk down Cunts-from-Okinawa Lane with me, won't you?

**originally posted on a different blog, 25Oct2011**

Okay y'all, buckle up I'm pissed up and shits hitting the fucking fan! Apparently, at least here on Okinawa, there was a memo that went out to the Marine wives that put them on notice to be EXTRA fucking cunt-like about everything and in the process insulting and demeaning to all other branches wives. Including me.....opps their fucking bad!
First of all....your HUSBAND is the Marine, not you!
Secondly...in some cases, your husband was in diapers when my husband enlisted, shut the fuck up and take a seat!
Thirdly...yes Marines are special and elite, but that does not mean a wife has the right to demand SHIT from another branch's public Facebook page along the order of an explanation for why an Air Force Base isn't copying the Marine bases trick or treating hours. (I swear to fucking shit, this really fucking happened!)
Finally....tragic as it is that Marines will now be sleeves down year round, it does not entitle any Marine wife to dismiss or insult another spouse for saying Marines are not the last branch to be sleeves up. If you're wrong, you are WRONG!! Accept it and move the fuck on! Don't be a bitch because I'll be a full on cunt right back atcha.....(re: this whole fucking blog!!)

And now.....the proof is in the pudding. Or in this case, the ability to cut and paste from public pages!!

Exhibit A. (from a private board for wives on Okinawa...names have been edited)

Marines will no longer be allowed to wear rolled-up sleeves :(
*CS I know isn't it sad. :(
*LA I know that sucks!!!
*MMc It's the dumbest thing I've heard!! The guys/gals that are stationed in NC, Cali, Hawaii and here are gonna ROAST!!!
*ML In army you can't roll up your sleeves and my husband seems to be doing fine with it.
*ML and we were in Nc for 3 years.
*MMC ‎**no comment**
*BS I think the part that bothers me is having our Marine's sleeves roll is part of what set us apart from the other branches... plus it's super sexy to see their muscles bulging!
*KG I don't even think it's about them roasting, but its something (besides all the other stuff) that separates them from every other branch
*MMC ‎^^^Completely agree B!!! Plus, my husband works on the flight line here, and my bro does at New River...it's HOTTER than HADES in the summer!!
*BS Yep my hubs works on the flight line too!
*BG The guys in Yuma are going to roast for sure, come on it looks so hott!!! lol
*MMC I agree...doesn't help that I met my husband when he was wearing his desert cammies and rolled sleeves, lol!!! ;)
*LL It's not only a heat issue but the way the Marines roll their sleaves sets them apart. Seems like they're trying more and more to take away the things that set the Marine Corps apart from the other branches.
*CS Agreed!
*AC-M My husband worked today and made me take a picture of the last day he would ever have his sleeves up. lol
*JR I think the marine corps is becoming lazy and this is from someone who was in!
*CF My husband isn't a Marine, but he says it is hotter with the tight rolled sleeves because the heat gets trapped. With the regular long sleeves, it's easier to get air flow inside the blouse.
Rea Wilcox-Ball Ladies, Marines aren't the only branch to roll their sleeves. My husband's in the Navy and he still rolls his sleeves, still looks sexy as hell with them up too.
*KW ‎1) my husband is hot and sexy regardless of what he is wearing. 2) while I met my husband with his sleeves up and sentimentally adore it... I am adapting a "yep, that sucks, but there are worse things in life and so...movin on."
*KW AF can roll their sleeves.. my husband works flight line and survives without his sleeves rolled.
*ABP Nothing against the other ladies or anything but being the wife of a marine you see other branches to things that marine corps wouldn't allow or do. We just like you are accustomed to seeing desserts rolled up That being said I always preferred my husband in his desserts BC I loved how it looked. Yea we will get over it eventually but it's this plus the whole tuition assistance thing that's a Hot topic for us. Plus when the army switched from berets only for certain ppl & not the entire army I recall ppl were talking .
*AC-M I do have to say when wer were stationed in 29 palms it was sleeves down year around and it was more comfortable for the Marines. I will say I am not going to miss every Mon my husband coming home saying pull my sleeve to help get it off. lol
*EF AHHHH HAHAHAHAH A-isn't that the truth. There are some things that are universal in the Marine/spouse relationship. Pull my sleeve is one of them!!!!
*MMC I am def gonna miss the "Pull my sleeve" routine ;)

"Nothing against the other ladies or anything but being the wife of a marine..." means I am a HUGE cuntbag and I can say things about other branches because I'm the wife of a Marine! I get people are pissed about a uniform change but get the fuck over it!! For fucksake its not like you have to buy all new uniforms, you simply don't have to roll your SLEEVES (for spelling point of reference in case some of these ladies need it) anymore. And for the record....I've also had the pleasure of "pull my sleeve" from my husband, who is not a Marine which I guess makes my marriage a Marine/spouse wanna-be??

BTW....in some cases, when your Marine husband's mommy was still wiping his ass and kissing his boo-boo's, my Navy husband was rolling his sleeves in boot camp! But I guess that doesn't count because he's "not a Marine" right?? Well fuck you and the elitist attitude you seem to feel entitled to because of the guy you married.

And so the raging shit storm of Marine-entitled wives continues. Honestly, don't these bitches need to be protected or something?? Clearly they're far too self-absorbed and have been drinking the kool-aid a little too much to be allowed to mingle with the general population unsupervised. What's worse...is the way they band together!

I give you, the group/pack mentality!!

 Why is Kadena only having 2 hours of trick or treating when the Marine Corps bases are having 3 hours? Two hours just isn't enough time.

*K- Agreed.
Rea Wilcox-Ball Then go to the Marine base....just a thought. (here I go kicking up shit again)
*K- We ran out of candy in 20 minutes so I am sure by the end of two hours not many houses will still have lights on anyways. (my girl K!)
*A- ‎2 hours is plenty! My kids halloween buckets were overflowing at the end of an hour last year... ;)
*W- I know I have the choice to go to the other bases. That's not my point. I'm waiting on KadenaAirBase to explain the reason. Just wondering why all branches can't be on the same page for once. (the person who created the question now wanted the AF to answer it for her, because she wants to know!! Any takers on answering it for her??? stay tuned.....)
*J- This is how they make up to the Marines for screwing them in every other way possible.
*S- Because usually 2 hours is plenty. 2 hours worked just fine last year. (obviously spoken by someone who knows, right?)
*R- Stop whining... geez you have more on the base than any of your predecessors and folks still whine... try no air conditioning, no single line phones, no fresh milk (ours was made from coconut oil) no Burger king, Baskin Robbins, Chilie's Macaroni Grill, Popeyes, cable TV on and on... your spoiled. The old days weren't better, but I think the people were. They knew that being in the Military wasn't just a job it was a life style. Never heard of a military spouse coming down with PTSD even though our fathers and many of us spent two or more tours in Viet Nam a much worse and much more intense conflict than your facing now. They bucked it up, learned to make do with base furniture, and got to know the island.. it wasn't Fortress Kadena then it was just Kadena and we knew the island like the back of our hands, we knew the Okinawa's too. Stop complaining about small things and be thankful that the lowest enlisted family lives better than the average Field Grade officers family did in the sixties and early seventies (ah, here we go someone with brains and backbone to speak up! I love him already!)
*J- ‎^ I'm of the thinking that people in the early days whining about wiping their butts with their hands is what helped lead to toilet paper. If this truly was the case, I'm glad they whined about that.
*J- I'll also say, toilet paper is on a much higher priority list than an extra hour of trick or treating in my book though.
*K-Was PTSD even heard of then? I feel sure people suffered from it back in that day too. (K with a valid point!)
*C- A hr is enough for my family, really dont need candy left over for the rest of the year
Rea Wilcox-Ball I honestly don't think the Kadena group owes anyone an explanation. People were complaining that it wasn't on Halloween. Then they were complaining that it was on Halloween and not on the weekend. Now people are complaining that it's "only 2 hours" compared to the Marine bases 3 hours.
Just be grateful for what you're getting, say thank you and carry on! No one owes you or anyone else an explanation for anything, so get off your high horse and make a decision: trick or treat for 2 hours on Kadena or 3 hours on a Marine instillation.
And in case you've not noticed: in the military, all the branches are NEVER on the same page. Sorry this is ruining your life so very much. (and then there's me again, not holding back and telling it like it is. Since when does ANY branch owe any individual an explanation for anything?? Maybe I was a little harsh, but at least I didn't call her a stupid cunt, like I wanted too!)
*S- Wow...really???? Some people I swear...(he's awed by my balls, I just know it!)
*D- S, ditto :-/ (so is she, these people are build a shrine in my honor as I type!)
*D- My understanding is that they extended the hours to 5-8. I saw something about that last week?
*W- Good grief, this was just a simple question? I am not whining in no way. It would just be nice to have the times all the same for less confusion. Last year, with the 2 different trick or treating days, everyone had no clue what was going on. We may live on Kadena, but we are a Marine Corps family. My husband gets screwed all the time, so I know what that's all about. I love the military, I grew up a military brat & wouldn't have it any other way. Seriously, I'm a simple person, that doesn't ask for much, so don't tell me to get off my high horse. This was first time asking a question on her & for sure it's my last. People can be so RUDE!!! (guess who's not in my fan club??? I think she meant " first time asking a question on HERE" and if by not asking for much you mean expecting someone from the kadena air base command to explain to you why trick or treating is ONLY 2 hours as simple, then sure, you are a simple folk. And enter the Marine Corps....hold it, it keeps showing up)
*L- ‎^ You tell them girl!!!! Wow Unbelievable!!! (remember the pack mentality??)
*N- I'm assuming all but the 1 know and maybe 1 other are not Marines! Yeah I'll never give these people the time of day! (I can't even understand this sentence but I think the gist is...I'm not a Marine??? Can someone please take this girl to an ebonics class or give her a my baby can read dvds?? it would really make her insults to me and K a little more, oh I don't know, understandable. I mean I get what she's trying to say, but I really had to dummy myself down to catch the insult and now my head hurts. Fucking Marine  wives and their dumbass lack of English skills!)
*N- I agree with you W! Just stay away from it all :))
*S- I honestly can not believe the ass-nine attitudes of the self righteous snobs on this question. You bashers obivously have some deep seeded issuses that need to be addressed. How about you get off your high horse and get a life. You must have nothing else to do if your are going to crum your bitchy remarks all over this page because of a SIMPLE QUESTIONS !! Good lord get over yourself. (once again, English is not working here. What exactly does "going to crum your bitchy remarks" mean??? and  "a simple questions" is not proper English, it's either one question or its questionS. I actually like my high horse, it's easier to avoid the piles of shit others leave just lying around. And clearly I have issues...I'm stuck on this island with a bunch of holier than though, Marine wives!!)
Rea Wilcox-Ball I'm curious what any of this has to do with being Marines vs non-Marines?? I guess I'm not entitled to an explanation on the comment though, huh?
What's rude is thinking any one branch of the military is better than any other. Sure my response was rude, but you don't think you may have been a bit out of line asking for an explanation on base trick or treating hours because they aren't exactly the same as the Marines? Who cares why they aren't the same?!? They just aren't! But to turn it into a Marines vs not Marines thing is just beyond ridiculous! (once again, the voice of reason is me....I even admit I was rude!! How often does that happen?!?)
*R- Nice comeback W. (way to contribute...guess he's not building my shrine, is he??)
*K- I agree Rea! But the best is the person telling people they are "bitchy" and have nothing better to do with their time but clearly wasted time as well acting like a "snob" (and K, once again having my back!!) 
**all text in this format are my own added thoughts and not part of the public conversation**


Some bitches are cuntastically horrible! Seriously, you get knocked up by some guy, get married to him and he happens to be a Marine and all of a sudden your shit doesn't stink and you are the most entitled bitch there is?!?! Seems this week it's been a whole onslaught of Marine wives feeling the need to remind all other military wives that our men ain't shit compared to their Marine husbands. Here's the thing: All our husbands are doing the same damned thing, for the same damned country, for the same damned paycheck and the same fucking Commander in Chief! Sure they may wear different uniforms, but the military screws everyone over equally at some point or another! So please stop cutting down other wives because they didn't marry a Marine. Because to be honest here....I've been with some Marines and they're not that great in bed. Give me my sailor any day...he puts the smile on my face and the skip in my step and I don't care if it was all those long lonely weeks out at sea, he learned a thing or two and I'm the one that's benefiting from them! Oh yeah!!!

Short and bitter....that's me!

   Because I was feeling stupid, or brave depending on your views, I decided since almost a month had passed it was time to broach the subject of HER....

me: Have you talked to (her) lately?
hubs: no, not really. But her facebook status said something about her and her husband working it out. I guess he got some leave time so they can give it a go.
me: Leave? Didn't he just go?
hubs: Yeah, I guess.
me: Hmm....that's,......interesting.

And by interesting I mean, the purest bullshit story ever!! I'm not going to start another fight with my husband over this chick but I smell shit! The military doesn't just hand out leave so you can "work out" family issues. If that were the case, Okinawa wouldn't have been so bad.

**update of sorts**She's a heartbreaking, soul-sucking bitch...but I'm the one with the issues?!?!?

**It's been brought to my attention that SHE is not his first love. She's actually the 2nd'ish. His first love is pretty cool and a friend of mine on "the facebook". I'm not bashing my husband, just this one decision I can't for the life of me wrap my head around. I want to understand it, and yelling at each other isn't getting us anywhere. I already said, I put this here to see if I was overreacting, because I have done that in the past. He's not happy about the responses I've gotten so far, because it turns out in the eyes of my married female friends, I'm not overreacting.
   If he was any other person in my life starting to renew a friendship with someone who was bad for them, I'd be just as damned pissed and bitter. Well, maybe not "just as" but I'd be trying my damnedest to make sure my loved one saw how stupid they were being. It's a place from love that I'm coming from, in not wanting him to see her. Well, love and deep venomous hate.**

I know he's going to say "Well, tell me how you really feel" and my reply is: I just did. Didn't you read the title of this blog post? Heartbreaking, soul-sucking bitch. Kind of says it all, right??

So, who is SHE? Well, it seems that my husband, goddess above I must love him cause otherwise I'd be throwing dishes at him...oh wait, that's right, our dishes aren't here yet to throw anyways! Fuck! Stupid cross-Pacific move! Fruckinya.
Back to the story...before me there was HER in my husband's life. That first real love. The one that eventually turns sour and rips your heart out, making you swear to never love again and then even when you do love again that one person is still always weighing on your mind because of how really and truly they fucked you over and damned near ruined you for every other person to enter your life. You know, that love?
Well, SHE is his. And it seems that, in spite of her being the reason my husband never said "I love you" to me before the day we got married and her being the reason he was willing to run from his feelings for me (I'm not guilt-free on the running part, but I was more than opened about my feelings for him and he just kept pushing me away....thanks for that, BITCH!), he's still friends with her.
It was just facebook/e-mail friends. But now that we're living in the same area as her, it's apparently becoming a "real" friendship again. And I'm just supposed to be okay with this. Because she's married now. See, thing is, she was married when they first met too. Only thing different is he wasn't. So while I trust him deeper than the ocean, I can't imagine ever being civil to her because of the damage she did to him. He may be okay with putting all that behind him, or as I prefer to see it, denying it was ever really as bad as it was, and still remaining friends, but me? Yeah, not so much.

It seems they thought the 4 of us having dinner at some point might really be a possibility. I'm questioning my husband's logic in this train of thought, because I can't even stomach hearing about her let alone ever seeing her in person. Talk about dishes flying!
And in what reality would I ever place myself in a situation where I can't be myself and say what I really think to a person? Not this one.
So, I quickly tell him that is a very awkward idea and one I want nothing to do with. I ask if she's even aware of how damaged she left him. Of course not, he's carried on as if nothing bothered him, to her leaving me and a few other women to deal with his...check that HER, emotional baggage instead. Again, thanks BITCH!

I find out, in the car today, he gave her his cell number so they can still meet up and go to dinner, just him, HER and her husband. He says it as if nothing is wrong with this. Not with her calling and certainly not with him giving a woman I well and truly despise his phone number. He's mentioned her once a day, 3 different days since I've been home from a short trip to my hometown last weekend, as if I'm going to warm up to her by knowing more about her. What I am going to warm up to is throwing a certain laptop against the nearest wall if he keeps this kind of bullshit up!

Look, I'm not petty enough to say "You can't be internet friends" with her. But as far as reconnecting in person, call me petty, jealous, insecure or anything else, but the fact is: I don't want that bitch near my husband. She took a piece of his heart away that no one, not even me, HIS WIFE, can ever get back and I'll be damned if I want to give the bitch a chance to steal more. I'm not naive enough to think he's totally over her, because reality is the first love to break your soul like that is the one you can't ever truly get over. No matter how happy you are, or where they are in their lives, you always have a teeny, tiny piece that can't not love that person. You can hate them with a blinding rage and still that small piece loves that person. What can I say? Sometimes that teeny tiny piece is real dumbass.
I knew he was friends with most of his exes when we started dating. He knew SHE was one I'd never learn to like, especially after talking to a couple people who knew them as a couple. So this forcing something that I'm not happy with or about just so he can pick up something that should be long forgotten, is really pissing me off and yet, he's treating me like I'm the one being a fucking douchecanoe about it! He actually got upset that I was pissed he was even considering having dinner with them after we'd had a conversation about how to explain why it'd never happen.
My simple explanation? It'd be uncomfortable and awkward for either of us to have dinner with the other's ex. It's short and sweet and since I don't speak to any of my exes, it's not even a lie. I'm especially proud of the fact that it's civil and not at all finger-pointing at the bitch! I mean really...who wants to have dinner with an ex with the reason you broke up was things got pear-shaped and ugly?? Only a very twisted and fucked up cunt that's who!

But now I'm in the doghouse...cathouse as it were, for being me and saying enough is enough. All because he never told me he was giving her his number. Why not just take hers and never call her like a normal person would in a situation like this?? Why? Because my husband is far from normal and when it comes to HER he can't even see what the FUCK is wrong with the whole damned picture!