Sunday, January 13, 2013

Allow me to explain the meaning of "over this"

   I haven't had much snarkasm in me lately. I went back to my doctor and got my med dosage adjusted and I'm feeling much better. Which also might explain why this post is a double dose.

   Let's start at the beginning. I decided last night, right before falling asleep, that I'd take Nixon to the zoo. The Maryland Zoo in Baltimore is running a winter admission prices special: 50% off regular prices for January and February. Since it was supposed to be near 60 degrees today and Mac would be sleeping, I thought (in my medication induced haze) "hey, this is an awesome idea, let's do this". It really was a good idea because I really do love spending time with Nixon, except it was crazy foggy and it was nowhere near 60 degrees. I dressed us both mostly appropriately, packed his raincoat- just in case, grabbed some healthy snacks and a water bottle, filled my coffee mug and off we went.

    Now, once we got to the Zoo and parked, I prepare Nixon for the wait to get in. I saw the line of people as we walked to the entrance and wanted Nixon to expect the wait. It's the off-season so I don't see it as a huge inconvenience. Evidently, I was alone in this thinking.
    I realize, that as a person ages waiting in line for a few minutes is a big deal. The 2 women, who need to be told that just because they dye their hair blond doesn't mean they're fooling anyone about their age, in front of Nixon and I spent just as much time filling their faces with food as they did bitching about there being only one line open for general admission and one line open for members, even though there weren't any members waiting in line. The line would've moved faster, if the two open-mouth chewers would've moved their strollers half as fast as they moved their jaws! Instead they bitched about how slow the line moved, as there was a 5 foot gap between them and the person in front of them. I waited and said nothing. The gentleman behind me kind of giggled....once. The second time it happened, he cleared his throat. The reason there was no line at the member entrance line is because, members pay for that perk. And, if the clerk at that line invited general admission guests into the members line, members would then be forced to wait in line thus losing one of the perks of being a member. Some people may not think it's a big deal, but if I paid $109 I'm going to want all the motherfucking perks I'm entitled! I you want to get into the zoo without waiting in a mofo membership.
   And while we're on the topic of price, these bitches were in line for at least 10 minutes like Nixon and I. Why did the fucking fake ass blond cow in front me ask, not once but twice, what the senior citizen age was? I saw it on the sign that was posted above the very same gate she was waiting to go through for 10 minutes. I saw her look at the sign and complain about the fact that she had to pay for her 2 year old niece! She didn't notice that she wasn't a senior?? And when she was told, twice, 65, why did she turn around to the older guy behind me and say "What? People that old don't even come out to the zoo, am I right?", to which he says "Well, I do but only when my grandkids are inside the zoo waiting for me". That's right bitch, you just got grandpa burned! Now pay for your admission and fucking move!

   Once we got inside the zoo, Nixon and I had a pretty awesome time. We saw a lot of animals, heard a lioness roar, got to see Nixon's favorite part of the zoo: the arctic bus. Nixon loves this damned thing and its right next to the polar bears. It's set up so people can go in, sit in it, there's a drivers seat and 2 screens with conservation videos played. Nixon likes the driver's seat...big surprise, since it also has buttons and knobs to play with.
   And that's the problem. He really likes the damned driver's seat, even if someone else is playing there. Of course, I don't just let him bully his way into the seat. That's not how I'm raising him.
   It was in this place that I was so completely disgusted beyond words and insulted at the same time, that I ignored the offending assholes and solely focused on Nixon and the polar bear outside the window of the bus.

    The door was closed, but clearly the exhibit was operational, so I opened the door and we entered. Nixon beelined for the front seat and I grabbed the open seat in the front, which happened to be a single seat. On the other side of the aisle was a couple, who was there with 2 or 3 kids of their own. Their 2 kids were also at the driver's seat. Now, normally, when your kids are less than 4 feet from you, most parents would not be groping each other, right? Not these winners. She had her leg over his, the other one on the ground and he had his hand between her legs....and I'm going to stop there because I wish I didn't see what I saw. Let's just saw there's very few times I actually wish a person has adult incontinence to cause a wet spot in her pants and this was one of those times, sadly I'm pretty sure that was not the cause of it.
    You'd think, if they were being freaky in public they chose the arctic bus because there was no one else on it, right? You would be wrong. Before Nixon and I entered there were about a dozen people, adult and children of assorted ages, in there.
    In addition to doing whatever nastiness they were doing, Little Miss Wet Spot had a very poor opinion of Nixon, who was admittedly a little bossy about wanting to get into the driver's seat. He approached the seat and said "You move!" to the older girl in the seat. I immediately called him over to me and told him to be nice. He went back over and said "May I sit there please?".
    Nixon and the 2 little girls went back and forth on the playing in the drivers seat, I mostly let things be unless Nixon was really rude. The other parents did nothing, but roll their eyes every time I corrected Nixon by calling his name sternly and having him come sit by me. At one point he pulled his "I said I'm going to be bossy and you need to listen to me" bullshit to the older girl and I called his ass over to me so fast he didn't even get to finish his bossy little ass sentence! The mom aka Little Miss Wet Spot stood up, walked by me and said "We're leaving I'm so over this" to her husband and kids.
    I made Nixon sit on the floor, and as the older girl walked by he had to apologize to her. He said "Excuse me. I'm sorry I was bossy to you." Her mom turned around and said "Whatever" and walked out.
   That fucking skeevy ass cunt is lucky I'm back on my meds, because that made my blood boil! Sure, my kid can be a dick sometimes. I know he not fucking perfect, which is why he apologized to her. By the way, he apologized to her on his own. All I had to say to him was "Nixon, is there something you want to say before she leaves?". I didn't say boo fucking shit about you and your fucking dirty disgusting kid-unfriendly lovefesting when I walked in! Although I almost thanked you for stopping before my son asked what you were playing.
   And, oh-by-the-way, your kids weren't so fucking blameless either because when Nixon walked over there, they're reaction was "Oh no he can't play because we're here! He has to go away!". Of course Nixon just meandered his way right over and didn't even acknowledge the girls comments.

   In the end, Nixon and I had a great time. Not one meltdown and that's impressive.

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