Saturday, June 9, 2012

**update of sorts**She's a heartbreaking, soul-sucking bitch...but I'm the one with the issues?!?!?

**It's been brought to my attention that SHE is not his first love. She's actually the 2nd'ish. His first love is pretty cool and a friend of mine on "the facebook". I'm not bashing my husband, just this one decision I can't for the life of me wrap my head around. I want to understand it, and yelling at each other isn't getting us anywhere. I already said, I put this here to see if I was overreacting, because I have done that in the past. He's not happy about the responses I've gotten so far, because it turns out in the eyes of my married female friends, I'm not overreacting.
   If he was any other person in my life starting to renew a friendship with someone who was bad for them, I'd be just as damned pissed and bitter. Well, maybe not "just as" but I'd be trying my damnedest to make sure my loved one saw how stupid they were being. It's a place from love that I'm coming from, in not wanting him to see her. Well, love and deep venomous hate.**

I know he's going to say "Well, tell me how you really feel" and my reply is: I just did. Didn't you read the title of this blog post? Heartbreaking, soul-sucking bitch. Kind of says it all, right??

So, who is SHE? Well, it seems that my husband, goddess above I must love him cause otherwise I'd be throwing dishes at him...oh wait, that's right, our dishes aren't here yet to throw anyways! Fuck! Stupid cross-Pacific move! Fruckinya.
Back to the story...before me there was HER in my husband's life. That first real love. The one that eventually turns sour and rips your heart out, making you swear to never love again and then even when you do love again that one person is still always weighing on your mind because of how really and truly they fucked you over and damned near ruined you for every other person to enter your life. You know, that love?
Well, SHE is his. And it seems that, in spite of her being the reason my husband never said "I love you" to me before the day we got married and her being the reason he was willing to run from his feelings for me (I'm not guilt-free on the running part, but I was more than opened about my feelings for him and he just kept pushing me away....thanks for that, BITCH!), he's still friends with her.
It was just facebook/e-mail friends. But now that we're living in the same area as her, it's apparently becoming a "real" friendship again. And I'm just supposed to be okay with this. Because she's married now. See, thing is, she was married when they first met too. Only thing different is he wasn't. So while I trust him deeper than the ocean, I can't imagine ever being civil to her because of the damage she did to him. He may be okay with putting all that behind him, or as I prefer to see it, denying it was ever really as bad as it was, and still remaining friends, but me? Yeah, not so much.

It seems they thought the 4 of us having dinner at some point might really be a possibility. I'm questioning my husband's logic in this train of thought, because I can't even stomach hearing about her let alone ever seeing her in person. Talk about dishes flying!
And in what reality would I ever place myself in a situation where I can't be myself and say what I really think to a person? Not this one.
So, I quickly tell him that is a very awkward idea and one I want nothing to do with. I ask if she's even aware of how damaged she left him. Of course not, he's carried on as if nothing bothered him, to her leaving me and a few other women to deal with his...check that HER, emotional baggage instead. Again, thanks BITCH!

I find out, in the car today, he gave her his cell number so they can still meet up and go to dinner, just him, HER and her husband. He says it as if nothing is wrong with this. Not with her calling and certainly not with him giving a woman I well and truly despise his phone number. He's mentioned her once a day, 3 different days since I've been home from a short trip to my hometown last weekend, as if I'm going to warm up to her by knowing more about her. What I am going to warm up to is throwing a certain laptop against the nearest wall if he keeps this kind of bullshit up!

Look, I'm not petty enough to say "You can't be internet friends" with her. But as far as reconnecting in person, call me petty, jealous, insecure or anything else, but the fact is: I don't want that bitch near my husband. She took a piece of his heart away that no one, not even me, HIS WIFE, can ever get back and I'll be damned if I want to give the bitch a chance to steal more. I'm not naive enough to think he's totally over her, because reality is the first love to break your soul like that is the one you can't ever truly get over. No matter how happy you are, or where they are in their lives, you always have a teeny, tiny piece that can't not love that person. You can hate them with a blinding rage and still that small piece loves that person. What can I say? Sometimes that teeny tiny piece is real dumbass.
I knew he was friends with most of his exes when we started dating. He knew SHE was one I'd never learn to like, especially after talking to a couple people who knew them as a couple. So this forcing something that I'm not happy with or about just so he can pick up something that should be long forgotten, is really pissing me off and yet, he's treating me like I'm the one being a fucking douchecanoe about it! He actually got upset that I was pissed he was even considering having dinner with them after we'd had a conversation about how to explain why it'd never happen.
My simple explanation? It'd be uncomfortable and awkward for either of us to have dinner with the other's ex. It's short and sweet and since I don't speak to any of my exes, it's not even a lie. I'm especially proud of the fact that it's civil and not at all finger-pointing at the bitch! I mean really...who wants to have dinner with an ex with the reason you broke up was things got pear-shaped and ugly?? Only a very twisted and fucked up cunt that's who!

But now I'm in the doghouse...cathouse as it were, for being me and saying enough is enough. All because he never told me he was giving her his number. Why not just take hers and never call her like a normal person would in a situation like this?? Why? Because my husband is far from normal and when it comes to HER he can't even see what the FUCK is wrong with the whole damned picture!

1 comment:

  1. Can I just say, I love the word "douchecanoe"? I'm totally stealing that.

    I know I'm not in the same position as either of you, and thus my opinion should weigh very little. But I, despite being on very good terms with ALL of my exes, would come down on your side in this and not his. I can't really explain why, except for the fact that I don't trust anyone who suddenly wants to see their ex.