Sunday, August 12, 2012

Driving 101.....for the A-holes on the road today

Whooo-doggie! I'm sick as a dog for one day and the whole world forgets how to fucking drive! Okay, here's a little Driving 101...think of it as a course, in how NOT to get a middle finger flashed at you.

1. The 4-way stop Apparently, this is a forgotten art, if you will. First, 4-way means, every car must come to a complete stop, and yield to the cars who were at the stop before you. This does NOT mean, the bigger vehicle gets to go through said stop, while following a vehicle! *THIS WILL GET YOU FLIPPED OFF IN A HURRY, WHEN I CATCH UP TO YOUR DUMBASS!*
example: A mustang has right of way, then it's my turn. The mustang is turning left, while I'm making a simple right turn. Behind the Mustang is a Dodge Ram pickup. The Mustang makes his left turn, I proceed to start my right turn...only to see that the Dodge behind the Mustang ran his turn at the stop sign and nearly took off my front end! Just because you are in (a) a hurry or (b) a bigger vehicle, does not mean you "bully" your way through a stop sign. Regardless of whatever the fuck was going through your obviously truck compensating mind, you are not special and you can not just "follow-the-leader" when it comes to 4-way stops.

2. The California Roll It's my understanding a lot of people believe this to be legal. It's kind of a grey area because, it is legal at YIELD signs but NOT at a STOP sign. (For those unaware, the California roll, is when a car slows down almost to a stop, then rolls past the actual STOP sign. Seriously, I can not tell you how many crazy-bitchass people did this bullshit in Okinawa, going so far as to whine about it, when they got caught and ticketed by Security Forces for doing this act of dumbness)
I do not California Roll. Maybe it's because I'm from the East Coast, maybe it's because I can take 2-5 seconds of my day and make a full. complete stop when required, who knows. Even if there is no traffic coming, I come to a full stop 95% of the time. *I allow 5% for times I'm not paying attention, because I realize no one is perfect ALL the time.*

3. High Beams flashed in my mirror WILL NOT make me blow a STOP sign Neither will honking at me or swishing your hand at me from your car. You are behind me, so unfortunately that means you've just forfeited those aforementioned 2-5 seconds while I make my full and complete stop.

4. A Turn Signal is not a Magic Sign that Clears a Spot for you in Traffic Traffic sucks, we all know this. Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow and sit back while creeping forward at less than 5-10mph. And it never fails, just when you get into one lane, the lane next to you starts to move faster! IT NEVER FAILS! But, as soon as you get into that "faster" lane, it slows to a dead creep. Here's the problem, people keep hopping lanes CAUSING the backups. So sit the fuck back, turn on the radio and chill! Do not turn on your turn signal and just jet in front of the traffic that's moving! That's how motherfucking accidents happen! THEN you're in the hospital, more than likely the other vehicle's occupants are too AND you are the most hated person in the world at that moment because instead of traffic creeping forward, it's a dead fucking stop while your dumbassery is cleaned up! So congrats on that!
Please make sure you are clear, more than 3 feet clear, before switching lanes! I don't want to have to get out of my car, while calling 911 to report the accident, just to walk up to you in your wrecked state and say "I told you so, Asshole!" I really don't, but there's a high chance, I will.

*this message brought to by: Sunday drivers on the 50 in, the Bay Bridge will always be backed up on the weekend, plan ahead DOUCHE-ASSES!

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