Monday, February 3, 2014

Snarky Bitch vs. late night phone call and unnamed caller's intimate voicemail

   Saturday night. Geek Sailor (GS) is working the overnight shift this weekend and UH (uterus hostage) had gone to bed a little later than usual, because it's the weekend. I got comfortable on the sofa and started watching the shows I had recorded during the week.
    I don't normally flip a switch and start getting paranoid, especially when it comes to my marriage. We're very honest and have an unbelievable level of trust, given we've been burned by past lovers. Well, I know I have been burned for sure.

    Which is why, when the phone rang a little after midnight, I assumed it was GS calling even though he's much more likely to text or Voxer me. I didn't reach the house phone in time. Because I had to run upstairs and the phone ringer was set low so I didn't hear it right away. When I did reach it, there was a new voicemail waiting.
    Before checking the voicemail, I looked at the caller ID. I didn't know the name or number that had called. I dialed the house number and checked the voicemail:
   "Hi. It's me. It's late, but I'm still up. I didn't know which number to call. Call my room number if you're awake. Love ya"

    Did I mention it was a woman's voice?!? No. Yeah, it was a woman's voice.

    I immediately started messaging GS to find out what the mother-fuck was going on! Who the hell was this chick calling my HOME number, not giving a name and saying "Love ya"?!?!
    I under 3 minutes I had myself convinced my entire marriage was going to blow up.

    Then GS called me, after he read the message I sent him with the voicemail and phone number. Any man who is having an affair wouldn't blindly let his known-to-be-crazy-and-vindictive wife call an unfamiliar phone number when the caller left a message ending with "love ya".
     But that's exactly what GS was okay with me doing. I called the number from the home phone again, got voicemail and hung up. Why should I leave a message?
    The woman called me back, less than 5 minutes later.
me: Yeah?
Random caller: Uh....
me: Hello?
RC: Hi. I'm sorry, I just saw you called me.
me: Uh, yeah....I don't know who you're trying to call.
RC: Oh! You're not Karen?
me: No.
RC: Is this Karen's number?
RC: Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I called so late. I've got the wrong number.
me: Ya think?!

   Now, GS was impressed because I didn't go off on this woman and tell her she nearly ruined our marriage with her inability to listen to a mailbox message before leaving a message like that. Our outgoing message HAD both our names plus last names in it. Well, had. Because as off last night, I changed it to be a very clear and contrite message with just our family's last name.

   I guess, if he gave me reason too, I could assume the worst. Instead, we're joking about how the phone call was for me since she was clearly a lesbian looking for a hookup! HA HA
   That's how our marriage works. In the span of  20 minutes, I went from pissed, convinced my marriage was over to joking about my lesbian lover calling the house phone and leaving me a love message.

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