Thursday, February 20, 2014

Snarky Bitch vs my logic and math-impaired son

"You never find me something to watch!" whines the former uterus hostage. Now please bear with me, we just spent 2 hours watching mind numbingly annoying kid-friendly shows, but I NEVER find anything for him to watch.
"Are you kidding me?!", was my awesome comeback for him.
Let the tears of righteous indignation begin to flow! "No! I am not kidding you. You never find me something to watch! NEVER!" as his bottom lip is trembling and tears are flowing down his face. Is that snot I see??
I sigh, lift up my left hand and begin the math portion of this conversation.
*lifting one finger* "Who just wanted to watch America's Funniest Videos?" I ask UH.
Still crying he says "Me".
*onto the next finger, 2 are held up now* "And who likes Dora?"
Again, still crying, wiping his nose on his sleeve, "Me".
*holding up 3 fingers now* "What about LaLaLoopsie? Who likes that?"
More tears, but a smile as well, "I do!"
*the 4th and final finger on my left hand is now up* "And what about TUFF Puppy? Who do we know that likes that show?"
The tears are slowing down, but the is a-flowing, "I do".
*Moving to my right hand now, I hold up one finger* "This is how many shows I like and got to watch. So again, I never find something for you to watch? Still believe that?"
This incredible kid of mine, starts crying full-on again and says to me "Because you never let me watch anything when I ask to!"
I'll admit it, I lost my mom cool for a moment and said "Are you kidding me?!? You watched 4 shows tonight, I watched 1! One show, UH! Look at my hands! There are 4 fingers of shows you wanted, and got to, watch but only 1 show for me!" *at this point I pause and ask him which hand had more fingers, he chose the left hand with the 4 fingers showing*
He says to me "Uh-huh, and you won't let me watch another show, so you NEVER find me something to watch", and cue the tears, snot and quivering bottom lip.
I sigh at him, go to the kitchen, grab a drink return to the living room, turn off the TV and let him know it's bath time before asking him to put away his toys for the night.

I mean, for fucking real! This kid knows math! He told me the right hand had fewer fingers up than the left, but in his mind, I never let him watch anything because the second he asked me to find him something to watch I didn't jump like lightening struck me and give in to his demands! What a total bitch his mom is!
I'm pretty sure he's going to have a full-on TV blackout for a couple days. This is beyond selfishness and I'm over it!

Snarky Bitch Mom, out!

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