It's the holiday rush. Everyone has some place to be and it's more important than the where the person in front of them is trying to get too. It's so bad, my annoyance with other drivers that is, that Nix has started correcting me when I'm being mean.
"Mom, "idiot" is not nice".
"Mommy, you shouldn't call someone stupid."
" But that was a man and they have peenies not vaginas"
That last one needs some explaining.
I was getting bad at calling people "cunts" when driving. Nix started repeated a lot of what I was saying, in perfect context of course, and with him in school "cunt" was something I needed to erase from my vocabulary when he was in the car.
My choice? Vagina! It makes perfect sense. I started calling people "dirty vagina" when they were driving stupid. No turn signal? Almost hit me when you switch lanes? Talking on your cellphone and rolled through that stop sign? All reasons I would call you a "dirty vagina". I had it pointed out that I wasn't being fair by calling both men and women "vaginas". But that's not really the case. I call men who drive poorly, "dumb penis". Sometimes Nix points out the driver I was annoyed by was not a woman and I had to correct myself.
The point of all this? If his teachers can't appreciate my effort to call people biologically correct terms for body parts we've all seen in some way/shape/form, then this is in vain for nothing.
Parking lots are the bane of my existence these days. I've decided that parking lots are going to be my patience-building exercise. I'm super nice and calm in parking lots. I wave pedestrians across, even if they're not in or even near, the crosswalk. I stop and let a car back out, and if I see someone else coming to the newly empty spot with a turn signal on, I'll wave them into it, even if I was there first. Turn signal usage deserves a reward! I let cars out who have been stuck trying to make a left out of an aisle and no one lets them in. I wait extra long at the large crosswalk areas if there's a woman with kids in tow, making sure they all crossed safely before I move.
It may sound like I'm the nicest asshole ever, right?
A lot of those things, might have been done out of spite to some asshat-fucktard-cunt-grease whore who sits behind me and flashes their lights or beep their horn trying to get me to move faster than the cars in front of me are moving. Sometimes, I do things out of genuine kindness, especially if Nix is in the car with me but more often than not, I'm being spiteful while being kind.
Why can't people stop being total assfaced-jerk offs and let me be nice to be nice?!? I doubt I get any Karma points for an act of kindness done to be spiteful towards someone else, right?
By the way, it's a pretty sad world when even my 5-year-old child is starting to tell people "No talking on the phone! You need to drive!"....I'm even willing to overlook the one time he yelled that followed by something about punching the person in the face. That was my bad. I had just said the same thing in the car towards an old woman who was driving with her head down, in the center of the aisle and not even noticing the number of people she nearly hit, because her head was down. She finally looked up, at me and my car, and she had a cigarette in her mouth. I'm assuming she was digging in her "pocketbook" for a lighter. That was when I said "Bitch if you hit my car, I will punch you in the face!"
On a different note, Nix likes to tell me "Calm down, Mommy. You need a coffee." I love his logic, and he's not wrong.
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
When the snarky bitch is now a mom, it becomes a balancing act to control the snarkasm*
Today is Halloween.
Wait, that's not right. It should be: Today is motherfucking Halloween, bitches!!
This morning, Little Man got dressed up in his costume and I was able to go to school with him for his first ever school Halloween party! And holy shit, y'all, was it something to behold! There were Disney Princesses, Iron Men, Ninja Turtles, Spiderman, a Supergirl, an astronaut, a police officer and then there was Little Man totally proud, happy and content in his Pinkie Pie costume!
The kids were all standing by the door as each child came in, waiting to see what everyone was wearing. The girls were totally in love with Little Man's costume! Even a couple boys gave him a high-five and said they liked it. Then....there was the "mean table" of 2 boys that started saying Little Man was dressed as a girl and he was a doll from Lalaloopsie. I guess they thought it was going to bother Little Man, as they said it quite loudly and to everyone who asked what Little Man's costume was. They were wrong. Little Man totally ignore them and said "I'm Pinkie Pie!" and went on to enjoy his other friends costumes.
When that was getting a reaction, punkass-kid decided to start following Little Man around telling him he was a girl. Little Man, not realizing this was being done in a cruel manner, turned around and told the child "I'm a boy." in case the kid was confused.
Now, I'm watching all this go down. Punkass-kid was only doing this shit when the teachers were distracted by other children or setting up an activity. Little shit's slick, I'll give him that.
What bothered me most is there were other mothers who never stepped in to say something. Sure, it's the teachers classroom, but there were times I saw the kids doing things I knew the teachers don't allow, so I said something to stop it. (throwing the reading pillows at each other clearly stood out in my mind, as I know I've seen both teachers tell the kids the pillows are to stay on the floor and not be used to hit anyone) Yet, instead of trying to remind kids that Halloween costumes are about creativity and fun, these mothers were throwing Little Man questionable looks themselves when they saw his costume and heard what he was. Out of the almost 10 parents there this morning, one....motherfucking one!...mother said hello to me. Hell, she was the only one who even returned my smile. I wasn't giving off a bitch vibe! I'd had my coffee before going, I was there to "play nice". It's Halloween, it's supposed to be fun, right??
Evi-fucking-dently not. It felt just as cliquey as any high school classroom I can remember. I wasn't dressed right, my kid wasn't playing the right way, his costume wasn't gender correct....for all those things it felt as if I was invisible.
Except to the kids. There were a couple little girls who know me as "Little Man's Mom" and said hi, then quickly asked where he was and what he was wearing (they hadn't seen him yet). One little girl, especially, was super happy to see Little Man. She's the nicest to him and it warms my heart that he has a little friend like her. She's the first to say "hi" and she tries to say "bye" every day. It's adorable!
Then the worst happened. Punkass-kid decided to take advantage of a group photo and sit next to Little Man. He kept picking on him, and was getting ignored....so he elbowed Little Man in the collarbone. Little Man told the teacher, she said it must've been an accident but I'm positive it wasn't. Today really made me realize my son is a strong individual. He's been telling us about these two "mean boys" for almost a month now. I've talked to the teachers and the school director and they've assured me they're watching the situation, but they only have so many eyes for so many kids, right?
I brought Little Man home a little later. He had fun but was way overwhelmed and I couldn't hold my tongue much longer.
What bothers me isn't that the kid was being a total shit! It's that he's smart enough to know how to get away with being a bully without being caught. For some reason these 2 boys have teamed up and think Little Man is a good target for them to pick on, but he doesn't care. He really doesn't care what people say about him because he doesn't yet grasp the concept of cruelty and words.
The raging MommaBear-bitch in me wanted to explode on that little shit and ask how he even know what a Lalaloopsie doll was, if it's so girly. The assumption is he has a sister, but who the fuck cares?!? These kids are 4 and 5, they should be too young to be taunting each other with the intent to be mean, right? Kids are not born mean. Fuck, if it was a genetic thing, Little Man would be one mean little fuck, because my family alone has quite the evil-steak in us. But he's not. Instead he's a kind, funny, genuinely sweet kid and that's his nature from birth. I'm nurturing him to be himself, not some false bravado asshole shell of a person. I'm trying to let him be confidant in his own skin, which isn't always easy when ADULTS judge children for being a child.
I adore my child. I adore who he is. I want him to be himself and not feel the need to fit in just to be liked. But fucken-a is it damned hard to do when I was the outsider growing up, the bullied kid and the one that wanted so badly to fit in. I need to break my bad habits and help him be stronger than I was.
I have to say, from what I saw today, he's doing okay. He ignored the comments and didn't hit back. He did cry, but he's 4 I feel he's allowed to cry when upset at this age. He's a kid, goddammit!
Wait, that's not right. It should be: Today is motherfucking Halloween, bitches!!
This morning, Little Man got dressed up in his costume and I was able to go to school with him for his first ever school Halloween party! And holy shit, y'all, was it something to behold! There were Disney Princesses, Iron Men, Ninja Turtles, Spiderman, a Supergirl, an astronaut, a police officer and then there was Little Man totally proud, happy and content in his Pinkie Pie costume!
 |
| My Little Pinkie Pie...with his teacher. |
The kids were all standing by the door as each child came in, waiting to see what everyone was wearing. The girls were totally in love with Little Man's costume! Even a couple boys gave him a high-five and said they liked it. Then....there was the "mean table" of 2 boys that started saying Little Man was dressed as a girl and he was a doll from Lalaloopsie. I guess they thought it was going to bother Little Man, as they said it quite loudly and to everyone who asked what Little Man's costume was. They were wrong. Little Man totally ignore them and said "I'm Pinkie Pie!" and went on to enjoy his other friends costumes.
When that was getting a reaction, punkass-kid decided to start following Little Man around telling him he was a girl. Little Man, not realizing this was being done in a cruel manner, turned around and told the child "I'm a boy." in case the kid was confused.
Now, I'm watching all this go down. Punkass-kid was only doing this shit when the teachers were distracted by other children or setting up an activity. Little shit's slick, I'll give him that.
What bothered me most is there were other mothers who never stepped in to say something. Sure, it's the teachers classroom, but there were times I saw the kids doing things I knew the teachers don't allow, so I said something to stop it. (throwing the reading pillows at each other clearly stood out in my mind, as I know I've seen both teachers tell the kids the pillows are to stay on the floor and not be used to hit anyone) Yet, instead of trying to remind kids that Halloween costumes are about creativity and fun, these mothers were throwing Little Man questionable looks themselves when they saw his costume and heard what he was. Out of the almost 10 parents there this morning, one....motherfucking one!...mother said hello to me. Hell, she was the only one who even returned my smile. I wasn't giving off a bitch vibe! I'd had my coffee before going, I was there to "play nice". It's Halloween, it's supposed to be fun, right??
Evi-fucking-dently not. It felt just as cliquey as any high school classroom I can remember. I wasn't dressed right, my kid wasn't playing the right way, his costume wasn't gender correct....for all those things it felt as if I was invisible.
Except to the kids. There were a couple little girls who know me as "Little Man's Mom" and said hi, then quickly asked where he was and what he was wearing (they hadn't seen him yet). One little girl, especially, was super happy to see Little Man. She's the nicest to him and it warms my heart that he has a little friend like her. She's the first to say "hi" and she tries to say "bye" every day. It's adorable!
Then the worst happened. Punkass-kid decided to take advantage of a group photo and sit next to Little Man. He kept picking on him, and was getting ignored....so he elbowed Little Man in the collarbone. Little Man told the teacher, she said it must've been an accident but I'm positive it wasn't. Today really made me realize my son is a strong individual. He's been telling us about these two "mean boys" for almost a month now. I've talked to the teachers and the school director and they've assured me they're watching the situation, but they only have so many eyes for so many kids, right?
I brought Little Man home a little later. He had fun but was way overwhelmed and I couldn't hold my tongue much longer.
What bothers me isn't that the kid was being a total shit! It's that he's smart enough to know how to get away with being a bully without being caught. For some reason these 2 boys have teamed up and think Little Man is a good target for them to pick on, but he doesn't care. He really doesn't care what people say about him because he doesn't yet grasp the concept of cruelty and words.
The raging MommaBear-bitch in me wanted to explode on that little shit and ask how he even know what a Lalaloopsie doll was, if it's so girly. The assumption is he has a sister, but who the fuck cares?!? These kids are 4 and 5, they should be too young to be taunting each other with the intent to be mean, right? Kids are not born mean. Fuck, if it was a genetic thing, Little Man would be one mean little fuck, because my family alone has quite the evil-steak in us. But he's not. Instead he's a kind, funny, genuinely sweet kid and that's his nature from birth. I'm nurturing him to be himself, not some false bravado asshole shell of a person. I'm trying to let him be confidant in his own skin, which isn't always easy when ADULTS judge children for being a child.
I adore my child. I adore who he is. I want him to be himself and not feel the need to fit in just to be liked. But fucken-a is it damned hard to do when I was the outsider growing up, the bullied kid and the one that wanted so badly to fit in. I need to break my bad habits and help him be stronger than I was.
I have to say, from what I saw today, he's doing okay. He ignored the comments and didn't hit back. He did cry, but he's 4 I feel he's allowed to cry when upset at this age. He's a kid, goddammit!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I WILL NOT YIELD!! DC drivers, I'm talking to/about you.
Goddamned DC! There is nothing worse on this side of the fucking planet, than fucking DC streets, with their fucking shitty paving and tunnels to roundabouts and motherfucking drivers that do not know how to fucking merge to save their fucking dying grandmother's life!
First, a tip: To every single, ignorant cuntfuck driver who seems to think they are the ONE person able to actually drive and use their iPhone. You are not! Put the phone down or fucking park, but stop trying to do both. Everyone knows by now it's illegal, but for some reason you're the obvious exception to the rule.
Next: If its raining outside, please stop tailgating!
Followed closely by: If the street you're driving down is congested, stop trying to force your way in. Also, stop blocking side roads and stop trying to beat red lights. The only thing you're doing is adding to the congested traffic. YOU FUCKING MORONS HAVE SOME COMMON FUCKING SENSE!
Also, if you are on the highway, the YIELD sign is directed at the lane of traffic inbound to the highway NOT you. I say this because the car in front me of did not understand this, as was evident by the driver's braking and letting cars in that lane in. We were going 60mph when this donkeycunt punch decided to do this...on wet pavement.
I was tired, I needed some coffee and I was annoyed by the overabundance of asshole drivers surrounding me. So how did I react? I slapped my hands on my steering wheel and yelled "I WILL NOT YIELD!", thankfully my husband is used to my random outbursts and understood I was reaching the end of sanity rope and just let the outburst slide.
Finally, this one almost made me see red. And not just because the vehicle involved was a red truck. This assmunch was trying to switch lanes. Here's a thought, when you can see INTO the car, at the DRIVER of the vehicle in the lane you want to get into, it's not going to happen! The lane switch that is.
Today: I'm in the center lane, red truck in the right lane. Red truck is far enough that I can look over at my passenger window and see the driver, as he is moving INTO my lane! I watch this happen, glance to left lane and see line of traffic no room to move. I honk HARD at the guy moving AT my car, not into my lane, no he's moving AT my car, while we're doing an easy 70mph. This cocksucking assmunch of a fucktard looks over at me and fucking grins! I mean full on "look at me teeth, aren't they cumguzzling white" grin. Then he jerked back into the right lane.
I almost had a fucking heart attack! I don't have many fears when it comes to driving, but getting into a crash on the highway with a fucking psycho and having my son in the car with me? That's pretty high on my short list!
I'm totally convinced that drivers in DC are required to take a test, which tests for common sense. If the person passes that test, they do not get a DC drivers license. Feel free to disagree with me on this one, but until I see one smart and courteous driver in DC with DC plates on their car, I refuse to accept that the "common sense evaluator" is not part of the testing process.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Sometimes I just scratch my head
I've seen a lot of people swearing off things (facebook, it's my source of everything!).
This one (I def. have to go buy coffee this whole thing of giving up coffee is so not working for me) made me have this conversation with the Hubs.
This one (I def. have to go buy coffee this whole thing of giving up coffee is so not working for me) made me have this conversation with the Hubs.
me: Why would anyone give up coffee?
Hubs: I don't know
me: I mean you're not hurting anyone but yourself by doing it.
(you'd think I was done...you'd be wrong)
me: Seriously, that's like giving up sex...no wait, it's like swearing off your vibrator!
Hubs: Maybe YOUR vibrator
me: The only one your punishing by doing that, is yourself. Seriously, what's the point of giving up coffee??
He had no answer for me, and as a coffee addict myself, I'd as soon give up shaving my legs and armpits than give up coffee. And my legs get shaved once a week...twice if it's hot outside!
I'd rather bite my toenails than give up coffee.
I would be hard pressed if I had only $10 to my name and I was stranded between a Starbucks and a gas station with my car on E, to decide where I spent the money. (I mean given a choice, I'd buy a tall skinny iced vanilla latte, then put the remaining $5.75'ish in my gas tank. Yeah, I did the quick math on that one LOL, unless I needed an extra shot of expresso, then there goes another $0.95)
There's really no point to this blog, other than: I will never give up coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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