Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I just want to lose weight!!

fuck you number on a scale! You don't KNOW me!!

   There's nothing more annoying in the world, than the world around you when you're struggling to drop some extra pounds. I was doing really great, down over 10 pounds, until the holidays hit. I don't know what it is, every single time, December hits and I'm like "fuck it, I'll try harder in January" not realizing I'm just making the whole thing harder with my don't-give-a-damn attitude. And I was doing really great for most of December. It's the week of Christmas and New Year's that fucked me over this year. New Years Eve saw me drinking a bottle of wine, alone. Yep, hello empty calories!

   Even more frustrating than my weight battles is the fact that the Hubs seems to lose weight twice as fast as I do. Thanks a lot asshole! I'm trying my hardest to be happy and supportive but damned if I don't get pissy now and then!

   I'm trying to eat much more fruits and veggies, but the problem with that is I fill up on them and then I'm way under my calorie intake goal. *sigh* That's when I usually have a small bowl of ice cream and call it a day! In my defense, it's fat free ice cream and I only have the recommended serving!

   It's super hard to lose weight in the winter. Well, not super hard, but it's not like I can go outside for a  run. The exercise part is what's hardest. I can do calisthenics in the house, after Nixon goes to bed, but it's a battle to force myself to do it. Of course it's only been a week, but crap-on-a-stick I hate this. I have a realistic goal. It's not like I want to lose 60 pounds in 3 months, but it's not a little goal either.

   Fuck, why can't I have the metabolism I had when I was in my 20's? Sure, I was sickeningly skinny back then and I still saw myself as fat, but now, a decade later I appreciate that over-achieving metabolism!

   Speaking of warped self-image....I realize I'm not fat, but my thighs and ass always get the best of me. I'm short and pear-shaped. The majority of my weight is in my ass and thighs, which takes a lot of work to lose inches from. All my fat is stored in those body parts and I know my weaknesses I just have to figure out my strengths and make it work for me!

   Shit! I hate my scale, my genetics and my stupid "I'll work on it in January" philosophy.

I wrote this about my scale today:  Once a week weigh-in makes the scale less of my enemy and more a bad boyfriend. You know you have to see him, but you can't spend too much time with him!

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