Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Oh, I see...we're on THAT again.

    *I'm offering a disclaimer, I'm PMS'ing and it's kind of making me really evil. My meds are working wonderfully! How do I know? I'm sleeping through the nights but I need a gentle reminder to eat. So this violent I-want-to-kill-you attitude, is just courtesy Mother Nature.....that stupid Cunt!*

    It began with a post in a group on facebook that I'm a member of. It's a group for parents of only children (meaning parents with only one child). You'd think the group would be pretty laidback, if you buy into the generalizations of life as a parent of an only child, but it can get stressful. Especially when you have to deal with articles that have a celebrity giving interviews and saying she is really a mom now!
   Yes, Elizabeth Banks, I'm looking at you! Oh my gods! You went 10 days without hired help, with 2 kids! You did your own dishes and you washed bottles!! Holy fucking shit! You fucking martyr! You lost your fingernails?!? You might want to see a doctor about that, because I do way more than just 10 days worth of dishes and that shit never happened to me, but then again I do only have one kid, so I guess that's why that never happens to me.
   But wait...there's one tiny bit of difference, and I'm only saying this because, well Elizabeth Banks, you kind of started this. Yes, I had only one child, but everything that you described, the late nights, the no helps, the dishwashing....I did all that (minus the second kid) after giving birth and while recovering from childbirth. You, and again I'm not being snarky just stating facts, used a surrogate. So, no body recovering from that whole evil mess.
   By the way, it's pretty much common knowledge to almost everyone that one is easier 2 and zero is easier than 1. So why are so many parents amazed that 2 kids require more work than one?!?

   Now, I've said this before, I really don't give two flying fucks how many kids you have, but I do get my sweet lacy black boy-cut briefs in bunch when I hear new a mom-of-2 say she is "real mom" now. It's insulting to every mom of one child, for whatever reason.

   And as if that wasn't bad enough, there's asshole bloggers like this assbagdouchecanoe who seem to think all parents of only children by choice (like my family) do it because they "decide it's a lot of work and they like having their freedom, so they stop at one." Umm....yeah, that's not always the case. Sometimes, just sometimes asswipe, parents make informed and responsible choice to have only one child based on lots of factors. Sometimes, people don't have more kids, because they don't buy into the bullshit "siblings are lifelong best friends" myth.
   But apparently, that's being selfish, according to this guy and a lot of other people Mac and I have come across. It's pretty fucked up that people actually WANT us to have a child we have zero desire or longing for, just so Nixon "isn't alone" or "will have a sibling".
   I've stopped responding to most articles and blogs about the negative sides of only child parents. Well, I try not too. That's what the group on facebook I'm a member is for. But since this blogger figured he knew why all only child parents choose to be parents of only children, I felt the need to respond:
I have an only child. Not because I decided he was "too much work", but because my husband and I realized how costly children really are and we want to be able to comfortably raise him. I guess it is "shame on us" for choosing materialistic things like clothing that fits and heat in the house and healthy food not cheap & easy fast food, over a sibling, right? No! The shame should be on every other person who thinks they know what's right for another family. I don't normally post a comment and use my real name or facebook account, but I am a proud mom of an only child so for this one time, I will use my facebook account for this one comment!

   I know I have an easy life with one child. You want to hate me a little more? He's been sleeping through the night since he was 7 weeks old! He lets me sleep in until 9am, even thought he gets up at 8am himself. Sure, he can be a total shit, but at least I'm only listening to one kid say "mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, moooooommmmy, mom, mom, mommmy" a thousand times a day and the only sibling rivalry I deal with is Arwen chasing Amber on a nightly basis! I accept that my one child is easier than your 2,3 or 19 (Duggars....I'm looking at you) kids. But the thing is, I'm not less of a mom! This is still a full-time mother-fucking gig I'm doing here. I can't just say "You know what, fuck this shit! I'm not even a real mom. One kid? Pffft. That's not a real mom, everyone says so. So, I'm done. Listen, Nixon it's been awesome, but this is just not working out for me, so I wish you the very best on your future endeavors, but we're at the end of our time together. Please, no tears, we both knew this day was coming. I'm not a real mom."
   Could you imagine the public uproar over that?!?  I bet I'd be made out to be a worse mom than Casey Anthony if I did that shit. And you know what my defense would be: BUT ELIZABETH BANKS SAID I'M NOT A REAL MOM BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE KID!!!!

    That's right bitch, if I go down I'm taking you down with me. Jessica Simpson don't make me add you to the list. Jessica Alba's on the list...she said the same stupid shit


  1. hey, I'm also on that fb group!!! I had the same reaction... I wanted to punch EB in the throat!

  2. I couldn't resist posting my own response to that guys' douchey article. Here's what I wrote, for your viewing pleasure:

    Mala Moragain
    Facebook comment from Mala Moragain
    on Jan 30, 2013 at 12:24 AM
    Buddy (author), this whole article was a ridiculous waste of time for me. Kids are expensive!!! Not every family can afford more than one and expect to be able to send them to a good college or university. It's not like you get extra "parental" bonuses or perks when you have more than one child. And I am sorry to burst your bubble, but most parents DO choose a favorite, whether they openly admit it or not. Chew on that 5 or 10 years from now when your two kids are going down a path you might not appreciate or agree with. It must be real easy to be a guy saying women should have kids. When you can do it, then I'll read your articles. From then on, you've made my trash list with your ill prepared notions of self delusion.