Oh, I see...we're on THAT again.

    *I'm offering a disclaimer, I'm PMS'ing and it's kind of making me really evil. My meds are working wonderfully! How do I know? I'm sleeping through the nights but I need a gentle reminder to eat. So this violent I-want-to-kill-you attitude, is just courtesy Mother Nature.....that stupid Cunt!*

    It began with a post in a group on facebook that I'm a member of. It's a group for parents of only children (meaning parents with only one child). You'd think the group would be pretty laidback, if you buy into the generalizations of life as a parent of an only child, but it can get stressful. Especially when you have to deal with articles that have a celebrity giving interviews and saying she is really a mom now!
   Yes, Elizabeth Banks, I'm looking at you! Oh my gods! You went 10 days without hired help, with 2 kids! You did your own dishes and you washed bottles!! Holy fucking shit! You fucking martyr! You lost your fingernails?!? You might want to see a doctor about that, because I do way more than just 10 days worth of dishes and that shit never happened to me, but then again I do only have one kid, so I guess that's why that never happens to me.
   But wait...there's one tiny bit of difference, and I'm only saying this because, well Elizabeth Banks, you kind of started this. Yes, I had only one child, but everything that you described, the late nights, the no helps, the dishwashing....I did all that (minus the second kid) after giving birth and while recovering from childbirth. You, and again I'm not being snarky just stating facts, used a surrogate. So, no body recovering from that whole evil mess.
   By the way, it's pretty much common knowledge to almost everyone that one is easier 2 and zero is easier than 1. So why are so many parents amazed that 2 kids require more work than one?!?

   Now, I've said this before, I really don't give two flying fucks how many kids you have, but I do get my sweet lacy black boy-cut briefs in bunch when I hear new a mom-of-2 say she is "real mom" now. It's insulting to every mom of one child, for whatever reason.

   And as if that wasn't bad enough, there's asshole bloggers like this assbagdouchecanoe who seem to think all parents of only children by choice (like my family) do it because they "decide it's a lot of work and they like having their freedom, so they stop at one." Umm....yeah, that's not always the case. Sometimes, just sometimes asswipe, parents make informed and responsible choice to have only one child based on lots of factors. Sometimes, people don't have more kids, because they don't buy into the bullshit "siblings are lifelong best friends" myth.
   But apparently, that's being selfish, according to this guy and a lot of other people Mac and I have come across. It's pretty fucked up that people actually WANT us to have a child we have zero desire or longing for, just so Nixon "isn't alone" or "will have a sibling".
   I've stopped responding to most articles and blogs about the negative sides of only child parents. Well, I try not too. That's what the group on facebook I'm a member is for. But since this blogger figured he knew why all only child parents choose to be parents of only children, I felt the need to respond:

I have an only child. Not because I decided he was "too much work", but because my husband and I realized how costly children really are and we want to be able to comfortably raise him. I guess it is "shame on us" for choosing materialistic things like clothing that fits and heat in the house and healthy food not cheap & easy fast food, over a sibling, right? No! The shame should be on every other person who thinks they know what's right for another family. I don't normally post a comment and use my real name or facebook account, but I am a proud mom of an only child so for this one time, I will use my facebook account for this one comment!

   I know I have an easy life with one child. You want to hate me a little more? He's been sleeping through the night since he was 7 weeks old! He lets me sleep in until 9am, even thought he gets up at 8am himself. Sure, he can be a total shit, but at least I'm only listening to one kid say "mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, moooooommmmy, mom, mom, mommmy" a thousand times a day and the only sibling rivalry I deal with is Arwen chasing Amber on a nightly basis! I accept that my one child is easier than your 2,3 or 19 (Duggars....I'm looking at you) kids. But the thing is, I'm not less of a mom! This is still a full-time mother-fucking gig I'm doing here. I can't just say "You know what, fuck this shit! I'm not even a real mom. One kid? Pffft. That's not a real mom, everyone says so. So, I'm done. Listen, Nixon it's been awesome, but this is just not working out for me, so I wish you the very best on your future endeavors, but we're at the end of our time together. Please, no tears, we both knew this day was coming. I'm not a real mom."
   Could you imagine the public uproar over that?!?  I bet I'd be made out to be a worse mom than Casey Anthony if I did that shit. And you know what my defense would be: BUT ELIZABETH BANKS SAID I'M NOT A REAL MOM BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE KID!!!!

    That's right bitch, if I go down I'm taking you down with me. Jessica Simpson don't make me add you to the list. Jessica Alba's on the list...she said the same stupid shit! 

"Mommy Wars" and why I secretly hate humanity

  I don't care if you birthed 'em, "bought" 'em (adopted for the politically correct crowd) or had 'em created like a science project....if you have kids you've heard of the mommy wars. In fact, it began with which of those 3 situations makes you the best mom. Are you less of a mom if you can't carry your child in your own body? Who the fuck cares?!?! If you are changing the diapers, burping, cleaning the vomit and poop, plus dealing with teething and tantrums...then you, my friend, are a mom! And yes, men are moms too!

 The war never goes away, it changes fronts. It goes from parenting style to pre-school choices. Are you putting your kids in sports? What ages? What sports? How many activites? Are they in daycare? Do you work? When are they going to start kindergarten? *this one I hear more often than some parents might, due to Nixon's birthday. He misses the cut-off to start at 5, so he won't start until the Sept before his 6th birthday. So a common discussion is early testing to test up*

 I get wanting to gauge what's normal and where your child is in regards to normal. A lot of parents fall to the pressure that they know their child is excelling and is beyond their peers. I compare myself to other moms behaviors and compare Nixon's tantrums in public, not his development. Why? Because I don't really like comparing him to other kids. Seems unfair. He's his own kid, ya know.

 But that doesn't seem to stop other moms from comparing their kids to every other child around their kid! Including mine. Is he socially awkward? Yes. But, um hello, so am I! Hell, Nixon wasn't even walking on his own until he was 15 months. He was low-crawling until he was 13.5 months. And he was faster crawling on his belly than his friends who were walking! Did he care? Nope. Did I care? You fucking bet I did! Because I had more than one person telling me he was "slow". (fucking cunt!)

 Yes, I'm catty. Yes, I'm bitchy and I tend to talk shit about people I don't know. But kids are off limits! I try very, very hard to set that example with Nixon. I can't explain it but I want him to give every child a fair shake, even if his mom is thinking nasty, bitchy thoughts about the kid's mom who is standing right behind him. Because, who knows, she maybe a very cool person in the end but with Nixon I may never know. I'm not trying to make new friends. I've had a lifetime of friends (and half a lifetime of them stab me in the back) so I've met my quota, Nixon hasn't yet.

  The point is: judge and compare me and my parenting all you want. But my kid and his abilities (or lack there off) are off limits! Even if I have a concern or two, I don't need you over selling something your kid is doing to make me feel any more of a failure than I already do. There are no winners in the Mommy Wars. NO Supreme Empress or Ultimate Momma  Just a bunch of bitchy cunts burning the village and taking turning wearing the village idiot crown.