Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Social media...making all the tough decisions for you, 1 million "likes" at a time

  Fuck me...facebook has once again become the very bane of my existence and making me question just how stupid humanity really is becoming. If you've managed to miss this latest (lamest) craze on the face, count your blessings, and if it wouldn't be too much of a bother, would you mind forwarding me the address of the rock you have been living under, I'm in the market for a new home.

This was the first one I saw. I'm kind of lame, apparently, because I did not "like" the photo or get all "awww....how cute, he's making them work for the puppy" because really....that's not work. The mom (or dad) took the photo, maybe one of the older kids uploaded the picture and then facebook did it's fucking magic and "whaa laa" 1 million likes. You know what really would have impressed me. These kids earning money and going to an animal shelter and finding a dog the needed a family to love it. Not panhandling for "likes" on facebook, thus relieving dad from making a parental decision.
Look, "DAD", if you don't want your kinds to have a puppy, say "no". If you think they need to earn it, come up with something a little more challenging than a sign with some cute kids begging for a cute puppy. That's just setting yourself up for failure in the no-puppy department.

I've seen this one, but not nearly as often as I've seen that "dumb dad, kids want puppy" one. THIS one, I did like. Why? Because it has a real message, with a real purpose. It's a short, sweet, meaningful message. If you see it...."like" it for its simplicity.

Okay, this picture makes me sick. It makes me want to slap the fucking smile off this fucking punkass kid's face and shake this pretty little girl until her brain finds the hole it belongs in and the lights go on in her head! WHERE ARE THEIR FUCKING PARENTS?!?!?! How in the hell could anyone, who is not a horned-up, fucking sicko, even think of  liking, this picture??
Child, little blond girl, sex is not something you give up because a boy makes a sign and puts it on facebook for people to vote on. This is your sex life, not a goddamned high school winter dance vote. You clearly are not into this, either that or you just were so high/drunk at the moment this photo was taken you didn't realize what was going on. You are totally unimpressed with what is being proposed here. Seriously, do not let total strangers on the Internet have a say in your life, especially not your sex life.
And to the boy....you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You shouldn't need a million likes to get a girl to have sex with you. That's a red flag that she is just not ready (or willing) to have sex with you. Focus on some other girl who wants to be with you, freely and willing will have sex with you. Not because 1 million people "like" something on social media. In my eyes, that's a fine line between no and rape.
As for your parents: monitor your children's facebook pages! These children are clearly not ready for real life. They need supervision...I mean, for fuck sake, look what they've come up with, left to their own devices! If I saw my son and his friend had posted something like this, he would have NO computer to find out if he reached 1 million "like" or not.

Really?? This is just dumb. A wife leaves it up to social media if her husband can take a trip to England (I think that's right) This is an issue a couple needs to sit down and discuss rationally, not take a photo and let click-happy morons decide.
Bloody hell....I bet they also post a photo about when they should have a child, if they should have a child, what to name their child. If you want to go, just fucking go! If your wife gets mad, she'll change the locks while you are gone, sleep with your best friend and burn your clothes. Either way, you still got to see whatever the fuck Bradford City is...1 million likes or not.

Clearly, this guy has a smart wife. (no, this is not MY husband!) He's got my "like" and I feel this is a direct response to the photo I posted directly above this one.

Look, social media is the devil. Ecards are hilarious, memes can make you piss your pants or want to slap someone, grumpy cat is my new obsession but I have never really understood this "1 million like" bullshit. Honestly, it's the laziest thing ever. I mean, even grumpy cat was born looking grumpy! These "1 million like" assholes are letting other people do the heavy lifting to get their way. I feel anyone will eventually get a million likes, even if they are all pity likes. And who wants to get a home run out of pity. Pity sex is the WORST sex, everyone knows that. Ever toss someone a bone because they just lost a close friend or relative? Neither of you really want the sex, but you do it because you're there chances are one or both of you are really drunk and it's never good sex. Guy with the sign for sex....this is the sex you will be getting: pity sex. She will lie there and you will just be in a hole. Go buy a pie and warm it up, seriously it'll be just about the same feeling and emotional response. 

For the love of Gracey May, why am I encouraging the sexual assault of bakery items?!?! Why, because it'll save that poor little girl's self-respect at the end of the day. Maybe. It might be too late for that. If not, I suggest a nice pumpkin pie, no cherry or apple. Think outside the box...no really, remember to take it out of the box first.

These are words to live by. My son is so lucky he's got me to help him through life, isn't he?!? No pity sex for him! Straight to the nearest bakery we go! 

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